January 2012
114 posts
“We all need someone to look at us. we can be divided into four categories according to the kind of look we wish to live under. the first category longs for the look of an infinite number of anonymous eyes, in other words, for the look of the public. the second category is made up of people who have a vital need to be looked at by many known eyes. they are the tireless hosts of cocktail parties and dinners. they are happier than the people in the first category, who, when they lose their public, have the feeling that the lights have gone out in the room of their lives. this happens to nearly all of them sooner or later. people in the second category, on the other hand, can always come up with the eyes they need. then there is the third category, the category of people who need to be constantly before the eyes of the person they love. their situation is as dangerous as the situation of people in the first category. one day the eyes of their beloved will close, and the room will go dark. and finally there is the fourth category, the rarest, the category of people who live in the imaginary eyes of those who are not present. they are the dreamers.”
—
Beach Baby
When you’re out,
tell your lucky one to know that you’ll leave.
but you don’t lock when you’re fleeing
I’d like not hear keys
only hold till your coffee warms,
but don’t hurry and speed.
one a time put a tongue in your ear in the beach
and you clutched
kicking heels
My Excused Emotional Destruction
I’m curious to know why I always tend to find myself trapped within my own mind. It’s clearly not healthy, nor can I ever find an efficient way to deal with abstract thoughts. It begins with the cyclical destruction lies construct. Those lies begin to grow, begin to dissolve any hope I managed to create. When someone lies to you, the truth is inevitable, which personally scares the shit out of me. What have I not found out yet? What if I’ve been changing, or adapting into a lie? With so many confusing questions, I’ve developed a thought process, in which I look at things from a third perspective. This new method provides me the opportunity to seek out my weaknesses. But the point i’m at now, my weaknesses are irreversible, unless I delete the people who lie to me. Its important to recognize that people let the fear of what they don’t know control their honesty, and that the sweet satisfaction of trust begins to shred into nothingness. Without trust, the human mind begins to jump to crazy, exaggerated conclusions. You begin to go into emotional shock, which leaves a sense of complete irrationality traveling throughout your blood stream. You tell yourself that things are going to be okay, right? Of course not, you sound senseless, nothing ever seems to work out. Negative experiences happen for a reason, correct? And the hardest part, is forcing yourself to move on with your head held high. The problem is letting your guard down too easily, letting evil lies, or dreams take over and mock whatever strength you ever evolved.
I’m currently dealing with the inevitable emotional insanity teenage years provide. Its troublesome for me to explain everything i’m dealing with and how to properly explicate the reasoning. I feel like an empty body, striving for blood to bring it back to life. I’m scared for what will happen and who else I will loose as a trustworthy relation. I’m tired of saying; “it’s okay”, because it simply isn’t. I need a mental wash, which can begin to strap me back together. I feel so alone in my own mind, totally and completely alone.
I wonder why,
All of the painting I’m finding most compelling at the minute is abstract, or at least non-figurative.
I know I’ve always liked abstract, with Yves Tanguy and Rothko being early favourites. Maybe it’s coming from starting to paint again. Who knows.
Art can be a bit mysterious like that.
10 I Think Ur A Contra
I think Ur a contra - Vampire Weekend
Do you guys ever wonder what would happen if you just nonchalantly walked out of your house without saying anything to anyone or taking anything with you and just like walked in a random direction and never went back
